Darling,
ever be the lover that you long for,
doing as you would the other do.
each day each second i still love you,
seeding what that makes one - out of two.
such love of being is the canopy,
under which all things above all shall wedded be.
The sacrifice of time and strength,
of preference and good of deeds,
and of help, but love? may calm
the winds and storm that roil the restless sea.
Everything one does, like dust,
transforms be the light in which we all live.
But happiness, my Dear, is not a gift,
It is within one's power to give.
One can only love, and be
A witness to the life that each,
at last must live alone, for
Well or ill beyond a Lover's reach.
Diena, i hope there still is the light,
in which u brought in not faded but gone.
I still do pray for us.
Cos i still do fucking Love you.
Monday, May 07, 2007
|| little too much.. ||
i was before, holding up my walls so high you and i, we started falling in love; and i thought of you to be with till the end of time, and never, ever would i think or speak of goodbye. but love makes people do stupid things, and once this impregnable infatuation, pry then i never thought i could be so weak, weak enough to cry.
baby, i noe its hard. im not easy myself all the time. my problems, paranoia, fear, they come and interfere.. i hope u noe - and u noe urself - that, before us, u have felt wats like to feel miserable inside u bcos u noe u wen u love someone, it would take anything to heal, to forget, and to love again.. but as for me, tat whole thing was but far long ago.. for years i waited for someone tat could levish pebbles of beau into my heart.. for long tat i waited - until i found you... and i noe, this time, i gotta be ready for the future.. i was young, still am young, and still learning of what's reality's gonna be when im finally tested and opened to it.. now tat im with u, my loved one, just about anything can happen.. bcos it means Love. and Love makes ppl do stupid things.. but tat aint awfully true, cos if a knot is entirely secured, no force can untie it.. thus the deep feeling, affection, romance, belonging, Love, all can but stop any wave of negativity if the devil of cupid tries to point a poisoned arrow into our relationship.. but wat the heck, we're both humans.. we make mistakes.. tats where we - people - are like teabags, put into hot water to test how good they are.. hence the essay of patience.. but nonetheless, if one forgo with trust, and echoes with angst, definitely a love's tie is broken.. definitely..
baby.. i need to bring myself up whenever i fall.. but if i fall too hard, i will need you.. these problems they batter me.. they impulse on my being.. at times, they hurt; and they hurt bad.. its not like i cant understand how i will affect u bcos of my own situation... but i always try and do myself good - at least - and at least, i wont affect u.. but u noe, sometimes, u get into trouble; big time.. and ur affected inside u.. and u try to bring all this shit out, away from u..as far away as possible.. u prevail at times, but not all the time.. so u'll end up feeling all so grievous and all so shitty... and all fucked shit orbits in ur mind.. u become quiet.. u keep urself from others.. because u try not to affect them.. but im no saint.. i have my own weaknesses.. i hurt myself, and sometimes.. i hurt others around me too.. and cause unnecessary stupid things to happen.. i jus feel so fukkin sorry because i jus cant stop myself from hurting u sometimes, baby.. im so sorry..
pls bring back the times wen i hold u in my arms.. wen i feel the warmth and affection u give to me.. i need myself to deal with my own negativity.. and i'll need you to bring life into me wenever im down..
pls dun think tat im too bz of my own.. u should noe tat im all into u.. but i need to work things out for my own future..
one thing's for sure.. I will never leave you all alone.. Not a moment for u to think tat im against you.. And for every negation done, im there to condone, to forgive all of you.. For you, baby..
And i want you to know.. That i.. will always..
Love you..
______________Live this heart for me, baby.. <3 <3 <3 ______________I give my heart to you.. <3 <3 <3
breathing still...@ 4:04 PM
___________________________________________
Saturday, May 05, 2007
|| turning sick.. ||
feeling ill... feeling ill in me..
this whole thing being 18, i just cant believe to wat followed it.. im like, 1mth 2wk after 18.. but i dun feel 'that' 18.. u get wat i mean? i got an early curfew, not allowed to finish up on my projects till late at night.. only times i get to stay out at night is if i were to have like a gathering or chalet or something like tat... it feels mutilated... it feels shitty.. it never feels good.. this thing's been done on me like i've done some bad mistakes and to have it put a ' "Your eldest brother is not good as a son in the family" ' sign on their(my parents) forehead.. f***!!!
im not saying im all good, u noe.. but at least scrutiny will help tat I AM NOT - like a black sheep... its never good to me... though the only thing im staying is tat at least money - or i would say, allowance - is given to me... tats good enough.. but nonetheless, curfew jus sux.. i meant an EARLY curfew..im not gonna mention the time... i tried...i tried to be home early... heck even take breaks to go home, do chores and go out again..
dad's seldom home, mom's a pain in the ass to dad, dad's home for the 2 youngest kids, those 2 girls(the young ones) are but lazy scum bags.. well i would say tat... FUCKING LAZY SCUM BAGS!!! dad's not compromising to look into this matter - tat those 2 aren't doing a shit in the house, heck to even say contribute -, and well.. im like scapegoats to a messy and ' unattended' home.. dad's givin excuse he's out to 'find food' for the family.. well... no shit.. to me, an "ingenious" excuse - cos im not like a farking retard to just stay home and do the fucking chores!! all it takes is for dad to jus say something like ' i can do all the chores - alone - , but why whould i? tats y i want u to be home, take supervision ur siblings and attend to the house. dun be like ur mum.. ' ...
u noe how tat feel? wen he say those kinda things.. its jus... its jus prejudice.. its jus fukkin' vengeance.. retribution.. hatred.. HATRED...
sighhh.... im all left alone in my own time... to do wat i can and wat i want.. deliverance of misbehaviour or rule-breaking will just blow me off the cliff... why? dad's gonna get mad, gonna take shit away from me.. and im gonna be like.....grounded.. friggin ground rules... -- may i hurtle in time to annihilate the founder of 'grounding kids'..
arghhh!! im all battered now... im scarred for my own mistakes.. im exaggerated for my misconceptions to think of wat is wrong or right... i wanna live free.. at least to have my own time.. and then tat's wat will able me to compromise, contribute, congregate and embrace bliss with my (own) loved ones.. im not a kid.. pls..
is all this a lie to beshadow a 'upcoming surprise' in future?
a guise to restrain happiness to come in future?
or is it plainless travail which bestows over my lifeline..?
all but...
all mauled, i am. though, may love conciliate this bitterness of man i've become.
breathing still...@ 9:12 PM
___________________________________________
Thursday, May 03, 2007
|| ..hmmm ||
how's life been up here.. been good..been laughing...been practically enjoying life... realising tat life is but short, education is after all -in singapore- the -so called- most important 'subject'. no edu, no future.. the thing is, an academically thriven person is very likely to 'survive'; well, tat whole term is all but in all our parents' minds... isn't it? (-.-)
forget about tat for awhile.. tis time, me blogging isn't gonna be all poetic.. well at least i have to prove myself i can write some shit to fill up m space in this blog...well.. since its a blog, watever goes into 'tat' space will be nonetheless viewed by - well... - many others... so, nonsense is not very much tolerated by readers...
hmmz... wats it like? like wats in for me now?
hoping to read stories... u ppl... -.-
im blabbing now..
well...enrolled for bike license.. progressing pretty well but did some 'fatal' mistakes... now at prac. lesson 5.. tmr, RTT... argh!!! all the best to me... and yea.. i watched Wild Hogs recently, and it kinda blow me off.. Well at least i hope tat tat show could open SGeans eyes to those kind of bikes played by Woody, Doug, Dudley, and Bobby in Wild Hogs.. those Harley types just dont fail to blow the shit out off me wen a rider just drag the throttle and speed off!! dang! i just love the sound of it.. wait... u readers noe wat im talking about rite? T_T i hope u do... thinking of em bikes, it'll take me some effort to work for it.. at least for now all i can think of getting is a SP - Class 2B is up to 200cc la... as for me - a first time to be rider -, i'd be dreaming to ride on my own bike.. well at least cos im a first timer... MY OWN BIKE!! -.- im sick!
this whole blogging thing jus dun fit me... i'd prefer to write lil poems so at least my blabbering like tis wont effectively make ppl think im kinda ' can blog for nuts ' person... lol?