Thursday, April 10, 2008
|| Diena.. ||
tears of which drips the heartaches.
Diena - depicted amongst white.
dilemma.
i cant leave. yet doubting to stay.
bleed. dilapidate. misfit. astray.
to u, my bliss,
im failing to choose and but i pray.
to feed my pain?
to Love, let alone to trust.
for bliss then may lust.
to say u did best, i but say not.
feed my pain, turn to hurt,
harden my hard-heart.
deeply i say, u weren't trying.
i didnt feel then affection.
i didnt feel then infatuation.
i didnt feel then, obsession.
and before.
we started falling in love; and i
never thought or speak of goodbye.
but this Love is a crazy thing.
and Once this impregnable infatuation pry,
then i never thought i could be so weak,
weak enough to cry.
it was as if they were all lies.
over a new leaf but i deny.
infatuation; and i deny.
u didnt crawl. u didnt creep.
i felt nothing. but i felt lies.
i prayed. i prayed. and i prayed.
for happiness ontouched by any past.
but i cant seem to pull it last.
and now the thought of 'staying' is lost?
Diena. I hope u realise. I told u before. it wasnt as if u didnt hear me. i love u. but was i ever loved? until the point when my affection changed to else, did u realise u haven tried enough? i loved u. too much to believe u would ever lie. to feel and yet history repeats. u cant even fight me when i said u lied.. i wanted u to be mine. i wanted to feel tat u are mine. i damn wanted to feel it. but u didnt give it to me. and i told u so.
i couldnt help but to brush those memories everytime a speck of thought of loving a person comes to mind. i couldnt help but to cry. why? diena u didnt understand how i felt. and u noe i wanted more. but i cant believe it to turn out this way. i gave u my love. and u gave me yours - stained. and u didnt understand tat i loved u the most. or maybe u did. but was i ever blessed wit the same feeling? remember how it was to feel to be loved? to feel to be treated, to be loved, to be understood? how deep u can feel my love is for u? how much i would dare and care for u?
but have u thought of how i felt? how i would feel to be loved by you? u might have thought khai must be missing me. how then should i make it up for him so to spend that much quality time, to let him feel how much i love him. u tried, honey. u tried. but im hard. and u failed. however me, i didnt fail u - for this reason.
Diena. i hope u do realise wat u mean to me.
and wat i mean to u.
but u should have known, the span it may die.
and u would have been ripe,
ripe for the love you could have had from me,
ripe for the love u deserved from me,
until we end..
i really loved you, Diena..
breathing still... @ 4:38 PM
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