__khAi *
.è Being.
Eilsakhai 'khAi' DruMetal
240389
Create Talents Model
Combat Medic
Percussionist - Drummer
recuperating heartbreak
relish.
smile and beguile
growing old with her
Lamborghini Reventon
.dilemma.
Diena
Wishlist
SAF: serve and fuck off
modelling career
PI
Subaru Impreza WRX STI 2.5
drumset
whole new wardrobe
shirts
shirts: Raoul
pants, jeans, trousers, bermudas, shorts
wallet
shoes
sandals
watch
watch: TagHeuer - Microtimer
belts
belts: tough
eyewear
eyewear: Oakley - Romeo 2.0
ignorance is failure.
Archives
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
July 2007
September 2007
October 2007
January 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
why i cry
Darling,
ever be the lover that you long for,
doing as you would the other do.
each day each second i still love you,
seeding what that makes one - out of two.
such love of being is the canopy,
under which all things above all shall wedded be.
The sacrifice of time and strength,
of preference and good of deeds,
and of help, but love? may calm
the winds and storm that roil the restless sea.
Everything one does, like dust,
transforms be the light in which we all live.
But happiness, my Dear, is not a gift,
It is within one's power to give.
One can only love, and be
A witness to the life that each,
at last must live alone, for
Well or ill beyond a
Diena, i hope there still is the light, in which u brought in not faded but gone. I still do pray for us. Cos i still do fucking Love you.
|| turning sick.. ||
feeling ill...
feeling ill in me..
this whole thing being 18, i just cant believe to wat followed it..
im like, 1mth 2wk after 18.. but i dun feel 'that' 18.. u get wat i mean? i got an early curfew, not allowed to finish up on my projects till late at night.. only times i get to stay out at night is if i were to have like a gathering or chalet or something like tat... it feels mutilated... it feels shitty.. it never feels good..
this thing's been done on me like i've done some bad mistakes and to have it put a ' "Your eldest brother is not good as a son in the family" ' sign on their(my parents) forehead.. f***!!!
im not saying im all good, u noe.. but at least scrutiny will help tat I AM NOT - like a black sheep... its never good to me... though the only thing im staying is tat at least money - or i would say, allowance - is given to me... tats good enough.. but nonetheless, curfew jus sux.. i meant an EARLY curfew..im not gonna mention the time... i tried...i tried to be home early... heck even take breaks to go home, do chores and go out again..
dad's seldom home, mom's a pain in the ass to dad, dad's home for the 2 youngest kids, those 2 girls(the young ones) are but lazy scum bags.. well i would say tat... FUCKING LAZY SCUM BAGS!!! dad's not compromising to look into this matter - tat those 2 aren't doing a shit in the house, heck to even say contribute -, and well.. im like scapegoats to a messy and ' unattended' home.. dad's givin excuse he's out to 'find food' for the family.. well... no shit.. to me, an "ingenious" excuse - cos im not like a farking retard to just stay home and do the fucking chores!! all it takes is for dad to jus say something like ' i can do all the chores - alone - , but why whould i? tats y i want u to be home, take supervision ur siblings and attend to the house. dun be like ur mum.. ' ...
u noe how tat feel? wen he say those kinda things..
its jus... its jus prejudice.. its jus fukkin' vengeance.. retribution.. hatred.. HATRED...
sighhh.... im all left alone in my own time... to do wat i can and wat i want.. deliverance of misbehaviour or rule-breaking will just blow me off the cliff... why? dad's gonna get mad, gonna take shit away from me.. and im gonna be like.....grounded.. friggin ground rules... -- may i hurtle in time to annihilate the founder of 'grounding kids'..
arghhh!! im all battered now... im scarred for my own mistakes.. im exaggerated for my misconceptions to think of wat is wrong or right...
i wanna live free.. at least to have my own time.. and then tat's wat will able me to compromise, contribute, congregate and embrace bliss with my (own) loved ones.. im not a kid.. pls..
is all this a lie to beshadow a 'upcoming surprise' in future?
a guise to restrain happiness to come in future?
or is it plainless travail which bestows over my lifeline..?
all but...
all mauled, i am. though, may love conciliate this bitterness of man i've become.
breathing still... @ 9:12 PM
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